Saturday, January 3, 2015

A Month's Learning

It is my one month wedding anniversary today. Oh yes. It has already been a month and the usual talk of time flies and blah blah blah. However, there are certain things I've learnt in this month that I thought didn't really exist as far as marriages were concerned. Sharing 31 here on this auspicious occasion. One for each day of my married life :)

P.S. I've known my husband for 8 years, live very close to my parents, and his as well. Thus the learnings may differ from couples with different backgrounds.

1. Marriage is an over rated institution. Oh yes. I said it. It does not change your world. It doesn't turn your life upside down. It only adds to your life. To your family.

2. It isn't just about you and your spouse. There are other people involved. That is how families are formed. Whether or not you live together, you are still part of his family, and he is part of yours. You have multiple sets of parents, cousins, uncles, and aunts. And it is easy to accept it.

3. Leaving home for the girl isn't as traumatizing as the thought of it. I think it is the mere conditioning, and hence the placebo effect. There is a lot to do post the 'D Day'. You get involved. You have fun. You spend time with your parents and his. Life just expands...

4. There is no honeymoon phase really. That is just what the other married couples make it look like. There may be the getting to know you, or adjusting to you. In my case that too wasn't there.

5. Marriage is about understanding. Within a month, there have already been times, (yes times, more than once that is) where we both wanted to kill each other. Hence point no. 4. Love may disappear for a while. Yet there is this feeling of belonging and you get over the irritation and the fights.

6. First night, honeymoon, and its relationship with sex is over rated. It is tiring, and sometimes so tedious that you'd rather skip it. Oh yes and painful. And scary. Even after knowing your partner for a very long time. There is nothing special about the first time, other than the relief that it is done with and it will only get better from here.

7. There are no gender specific rules and roles. We both earn, cook, clean, pay bills, laze around, love, fight, make up, cry, laugh, give each other head massages, and leg massages when the other is tired. That is what marriage is all about.

8. Celebrations are up to you. You don't need an occasion. It should be enough that you are married to each other.

9. Communication is the key to everything. And I mean it. You HAVE to talk to each other. You cannot expect him to know, understand, assume, etc. Just say it, and it will be done. Makes life so easy. And your relationship, healthy.

10. Your wedding season will show you different colours of your closest people. Be prepared. People are on a far different tangent during weddings,

11. Do not change yourself just because you're married. Meet your friends. Keep them close. Meet your parents, and his. Open up to the new family. Network. Have fun.

12. Keep your girlfriends close. You will need them. To discuss issues and share fun things. Both your married and unmarried friends are equally important.

13. Your in laws may surprise you with how cool they are. Love them like your parents.

14. Keep a tab on your finances. Yes please.

15. Feel free to ask for help. You cannot know how to handle a home on your own. Ask multiple people. Then choose your best way.

16. Have a system in place. That really helps.

17. Keep your home clean.

18. Get out of your home and have fun.

19. Learn to cook. Basic meals. In case of emergencies.

20. Have some cash handy at home.

21. Travel light. The travel becomes fun, and the packing and unpacking becomes easier.

22. Add some glam quotient to your life.

23. Things do not change after marriage. Not immediately. The changes are gradual and it is a natural progression. Individuals grow and mature. That happens all the time. Nothing specific to marriages. People need to just stop saying that things change after marriage. No. They. Don't.

24. What you think of marriage before is nothing like what marriage really is. It is far easier. There I said it.

25. There is no other place like home.

26. Do not feel guilty of point 25. You definitely miss your parents and the other home as well. Yes that is still home no matter what.

27. People's perception about you changes. Do not let that affect your perception about yourself and your spouse.

28. There is nothing wrong in changing your name post marriage. Your identity still remains intact. Likewise there is nothing blasphemous if you do not want to change your name. Stop making a big deal about either.

29. Love. And love more. Be vocal about it. It will always give you butterflies in your stomach.

30. Every marriage has a different set of rules and dynamics. No one is like the other. Respect that. And make your own family unit.

31. Marriage isn't the end. It is the beginning of a beautiful process of unlearning, learning, and relearning. Enjoy it.

Hope this was an enjoyable read. And for those who think that marriage is not for you, not just yet, watch the video :)

I'm off for a dinner date with hubby. The place is a surprise and I'm loving it.