Friday, August 5, 2011

The Dark Room

My head is infiltrated with this thick layer of something real muculent. I am not quite sure what to name it though. Feelings, thoughts, or just a fragment of my imagination, which is running wild just more than often these days.

The more I am fogged by this something, the more it forms a personality of its own. It becomes real. It comes in forms obscure to me. In phone calls of relatives being unwell, in fights and nasty words, in mayhem and chaos, and even at times in the scintillating nothingness.

My search for sanctum begins inside. The darkness scares me. I feel like a stranger to myself. But at the end of every dark cavern there is light. So I believe...

The deeper I delve, the colder it gets. I like the chill somehow. Soon the heaviness of the bleak stratum increases. And my likelihood towards the arctic feel suddenly transforms me into a very phlegmatic being- heart and soul. Mind, I would not add here. It still feels numb. It still tries to rationalise.

It is a different feel down here. The only thing I can hear in the hum of nihility. The only thing I can see is the cimmerian shade. Only thing I smell is the emptiness of the space. But I can feel something so strong, it over powers all my other senses.

This is the closest I feel to myself. It might be dark, closed, with a strong stench of non entity at the moment. Yet I feel something approaching. Something so marvelous, it will make all this worth going through.

Words have been my forte. If I say all this to someone, I am told it is a phase. But I know it isn't. These are signs. Significant ones. From me to my myself. It is about time I pick them, follow them. Else I will be sitting in the dark room enjoying the freeze, forever!

Looking in here however makes me stronger. More driven by lurid nothing than anything and everything. My Dark Room, inside me. Dwells peacefully. Only to seize me, when I loof around in it...directionless. The dark room will only lead me to light. It provocates me enough to fight. With all my might.