Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Lie To Me

I found my self falling in love once again. And it feels great. It really does. I am a big fan of Tim Roth, I love him. Reason? Well just watch Lie To Me. With the whole deception specialist and micro expressions and such similar things, Tim Roth has become the sexiest man alive for me. Well actually its Cal Lightman I am in love with. Tim Roth just gets the advantage of being his face. Not that it will ever make a difference to him. But for me, and those who will make time to read this, it will.

As I spent hours watching Lie to Me, episode by episode, through the entire Season 1 (I have all the 13 on a DVD, will get the next 2 seasons too) I was mesmerized by how a twitch of a muscle can tell a tale, the truth actually. And I know this happens, since I have been quite close to similar sciences (Read as Graphology). So deceptions can be caught by a naked eye, without a polygraph, or a narcotic. Awesome.

After every episode I looked at myself and said things to notice deflections. Some to see them intentionally. While some as a reassurance of my feelings. I do not want to explicitly say either of them here. And then while standing in front of the mirror, I wondered how on earth there is nothing that is remotely unique to me?

My handwriting has universal traits, so do my expressions. Guess what...My blog is the documentation of the strongest feelings I have felt, and people relate to that as well. A hell of a realization that is. So what is it that makes me any different from anybody. What is it that makes any one of us any different?

We all are well connected and bound by basic tendencies, which how much ever we like to desist, still remains a fact. We are all made that way. Call it science, call it metaphysics, call it divine intervention, it all means and results to the same thing. After all, we are humans right. A species. Just like any other that we use for our experiments. So yes we all are the same, in one way or the other. We just choose to think otherwise. Keep lying about it to ourselves.

And yet we are separate individuals, entities so to say. Universality is inevitable. That is why we have the generalists and the specialists right. We have men and women. I think this universalness is what has made us make these distinction. The universal human need of being different, of being unique leads us to making moieties, segments, communities of people, which only we can differentiate. So there is gender, religion, caste, colour, you name it and you will find it. It is funny, that even after so much of efforts, we all relate to it. Back to square one right. It again is universal.

So now what. For me however I am unique. Not any different or better from the people around me. But just the way I look at this universality around me makes me stand out from the most. I do not 'Lie To Me'. I have stopped spending time thinking why am I not exclusive and unexampled. Instead I have accepted that none of us are, and I love it that way. It makes me one with all around. Dont you remember 'United we stand, divided we fall'. That is why in the first place, then I feel that there is no segregation as to how we are. What defines us individually though is, how we are...Confusing right. Have a look at it again, you will get it. After all we are similar right!

So I am in love again. With Tim Roth, Cal Lightman, and Lie to Me. Have caught quite a few expressions by now. I can do that bit, it is enjoyable I must say. Most times looking at myself give those gestures is. And if I can ever come across a mad scientist and an eccentric like Dr. Cal, who just gives me the most crucifying stare (I love that mad stare and expression) I will sure try with all my expressions, feelings, and all other 'universal' aspects to be a close associate (in which ever sense you like to take that, it is free for your interpretation).

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Nostalgia of a Different Kind

How many times have you bumped into people you have known for a while and then they suddenly disappeared into thin air, making you believe that you will never be seeing them again? And how many times meeting these people has made you invigorate yourself to an extent that you go breathless? Let me guess. Very rare right. But I am sure whenever such an incident occurs it makes you go through a promenade of such a variety of emotions, that you find yourself in a maze of disorientated feelings, thoughts, words, and expressions.

I met someone today who made me feel exactly that way. So this one is a tribute to those who are not around at the moment, but I hope to see them soon. My school friends, college friends, relatives, etc. They live in my memories, I communicate to them through it. But I vehemently wish to see them again. Just like I did today.

There was a time when I knew everything about you. There was a coherent bond which we shared. Your thoughts and words were the most articulate when I pronounced them. Or that is what I loved to believe. And then time took its toll. We parted ways. You lived in my memory though. Most times, I did not open those chambers, intentionally or unintentionally. And even if I did, it would be a sojourn. But you remained there. I refused to let you leave, and I am glad I did.

Years passed by with no trace of you, of us. I got carried away in my life, you in yours. One fine day, it was like reminiscence. You stood there right in front of my eyes and those times we spent together some years back just flashed as if it were yesterday. And then what...we still clicked. We still are like a house on fire. Like we just picked up from where we had left.

But things are a bit different now. You look at me in a different way. Causes me no discomfort though. I see you in a different light. I think the time and distance has worked its magic. And yet that does not seem to make too much of a difference. Respect and dignity to what we had, and to what we have still remains strong, and that is what just makes this even more stupefying. I see you as a completely different individual today. You have grown. You are stronger. And it makes me feel good. Feels like a total stranger, and strangely a very well known stranger. Our lives are on two varied pathways and it is great to see how they have crossed again today. There is so much that has happened in these years. It seems like vacuum, and I still do not bother to fill it. We both have very different ways of living, different priorities, and other important people influencing us. And yet there is place for you to fit, not as you did earlier, but may be in an even better way.

I do not know if we have met to part ways again. But even if we do, I am sure we will see each other once again, in much different views at that point. We will go through the similar learning experience that we did now, may be to part again. Or may be not. We might remain in touch henceforth, remain friends, or acquaintances. Either ways, we are learning. This surely will be metaphorical of our growth. Allegorical of our nostalgia.

So this was one time when I bumped into someone I have known for a while and then he suddenly disappeared into thin air, making me believe that I will never be seeing him again. But I did. It was sheer nostalgia to express the least. And I hope I bump into many of such people more often. Those who I have lost out in time, and those who lost me out in time. I want to be stertorous once again, doped in a similar nostalgia. But for now, I am high enough and guess would remain so till my next post!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Of Friends Turning Foes...and then Non Existent!

You have been my top priority for the longest period I remember. I have seen you grow from an immature wannabe to someone I was proud of. And surprisingly, I loved to believe that I was the same for you. Surprisingly! Our long phone conversations, which never got boring, spending whole days together, petty fights, abusing each other, and yet being unable to do without each other. Perfect is just an understatement.

You were there when I wanted to cry, laugh, act wacked. I was there for you whenever you needed me. We have been through my boyfriends and break ups, your crushes, our families and parents. Projects and assignments took the better of us at times, and yet we managed to spend as much time as possible. Nothing was ever a problem, our gender, religion, caste, our individual crushes. Nothing got in between us. Great!

Life has been a roller coaster, and we sat beside each other as it took its course, when it went up high, and then when in double the speed came down. We sat together, holding hands and screaming out loud when it turned upside down. And then suddenly it STOPPED!!!

Things change. Always. That is inevitable. But I did not know it can turn you upside down, making you feel everything that you shared like an illusion. New friends, both had... Then I wonder how the change was only from one side. And now it has reached a point where I have people who I do not know even exist advising me and telling me how to deal with you...LMAO!

I am blamed to have never accepted you,. Muck being thrown from both sides. I feel like a pig in a pigsty. I want to get out of it...But you are like quick sand, pulling me in deeper. You had the ability to bring out the best in me, and now you get out the worst. I do not want to hate you and disrespect what I felt for you all this while. And yet you amazingly make me do what I had never dreamt of.

But now I am stronger. Ignorance is a bliss. I have realized that. I have erased out OUR memories. They remind me of YOU. I feel like I was never there. I wish you luck with your future endeavors. I know you will go places. And I will make sure I am not there to see you. No bad feelings. No grudges. Just ignorance. Just oblivion.

I was the body, you were the soul,
Life with you was on a roll,
There is nothing that we didnt do together
About the world we never bothered.

In the rains and under the sun,
We were always, always one.
You stood up for me when I needed you
I did the same for you too.

But one fine day everything was gone,
It was like a realization had dawned,
You found others to stick around with,
Our friendship seemed like a myth.

I cried and cried and got depressed,
Couldnt believe that we are sucha mess,
You never tried to sort is out though.
And now the best friends have turned into foes.

Yet you I will never hate,
I will just believe that this was our fate,
I will choose to be oblivious to you,
Cuz what I had for you was pure and true.

I just felt like stopping here, leaving it to end in the most obnoxious manner. But everything does not need to end that way. I will not let that happen. Because I know how it feels when things end abruptly. I know most have gone through this when you read it. Some might even feel guilty. But the point is not to make you feel so. It is for you to just let go!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Thank You

Each one of us has a special someone in our life. It could be our parents, siblings, our love interest, friends, or even pets. Not necessarily a single person. At times, it could be something inanimate. Something that you relate to so well, with which you bond so strong, that just its presence makes you exhilarated. This one goes out to those people/things in each ones life. And most definitely to those in mine.

There are times when I am feeling so low, that I could either pull out my hair, or punch some one else. In such times, I find solace in them. I yell at them, get annoyed by what seems to be the most crest fallen attempts at making me feel better. And yet I know that these are the only attempts that work. Sardonic is it not? Most of us are with these people in our lives. They become so important, that we just tend to forget their individual existence. We wake up with them, and sleep with them, most times they being the first and the last thought in our heads in the day.

Yet I am selfish. Human! I still deny giving up on certain qualities, so to say. When I get the same in return from them, I go ballistic. "How dare they? Here I am trying to make them feel better, and they have the audacity to treat me with such an arrogant demeanor??" I stomp out outrageously. Feeling highly abrade, not even sparing a moment to actually clearly see the issue at hand. Is it really important right now to see how I am treated, or is it more important to make sure that they are feeling better. But Alas, another human tendency, the big E word...Yes 'Ego'. Now that I have chosen to walk out of the scene, how do I return? And then the long haul waiting for them to revert...

And while I wait, I think, why would they? Why should they? It is only human to be selfish and have ego hassles, and yet how do they always manage to never ever get these in between us? And then a bright thought. So true, and so fierce, makes me go weak in my knees. Just the way the above said are human tendencies, so are love, compassion and sympathy. Now its on us humans to choose which one dominates us, and which is dominated by us. Simple, yet difficult to comprehend. More difficult to accept. Took me time to approbate the fact that I was dominated by the former. But I managed to. What helped me was seeing people who love me being dominated by the latter. My inspiration to become a better person. An equal counterpart.

So for all the times I have let the not so good feelings get the better of me, I apologize. And for all the times you have still stood by me, accepted me along with my vices, I am grateful, indebted, and obligated. I know you will not enjoy reading this as much I did writing it. Since you would not want me to be obliged. You do not do things intending them to be favors. You do it for me, as that is the way you are. I love it that way.

It is very difficult to accept our own negatives. Even more difficult is to accept someone else with flaws. Yet we have beautiful people around us who do it all the time. So this is a small acknowledgement to all those people who fall in this category (even though I hate to categorize). I hope I am one such person to someone. I am sure I am. This one is to all the special someones in my life. I love you all!

(P.S.: This is probably my longest post till date. But looking at the topic at hand I could not/ did not want it to be any shorter. Would have loved to go on and on. But still want you to read, so cut it short!)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Dragon Fly

Just the night before Diwali, I had a dragon fly home. I tried to make it fly away outside, but it chose to stay back near my tube light. Since then I have been wondering why was it out so late in the night (I know it is a funny thing to wonder, but I do humanize most things around me, including non living things). And ever since, I wanted to write my next post titled Dragon Fly.

Yet I was at loss of words. I was at a loss of thoughts and topics to write on. Dragon Fly...What does it denote. What do I relate it to? And then suddenly, like fresh water flowing, there came a rush of thoughts in a disoriented way. Took me some time to make meaning out of it. Yet I choose to write it here. Do not know if it relates to the title. Do not even know if it makes sense. And still it flows as smoothly as possible, from my heart, mind, and my brain as well. A perfect blend, a perfect combination. So here goes:

Dragon Fly

Between us, all that is said and done,
I still know for a fact that you are the one,
To hold me close and kiss me tight,
When I wake up scared in the middle of the night.

But now for a while when I will be gone,
You will seem so far, for so long,
And though I know what we share is true,
Still dont know how, I will do without you.

So now I am really freaked to go,
Cuz' I am leaving you alone while I do so,
And I hope to see you at the earliest again,
So that when I am back, we can enjoy together our first rain!

Yes, as I said, you might not find any string between the title and the stanzas. It may be the most amateur piece of a group of rhyming words you have come across. And yet I am sure that deep down in you, you relate to it just the way I do. You laugh at yourself, spare a moment, and then continue reading again, amazed at how the silliest things can get you the deepest pleasures.

And yes, coming back to that Dragon Fly. Diwali morning first thing, it flew away. I am sure it is enjoying the rain, whether or not its first one. And I feel great to have finally managed to make sense of this little non sense titled Dragon Fly...

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Festival with a Reason: Happy Diwali

Festivities...Good times, celebrations, good food, sweets, family and friends. What more can I ask for? Lights and the aroma of the festive season fill up our homes, soul and mind. And as the days pass by, and the festivity approaches, it grips me, entralls me, taking to a new level of freedom, emotions, and anticipation. I experience an adrenaline rush. I like it, enjoy it. But it gets me anxious. Is this festivity getting the same anticipation for all? Or am I one of the few blessed ones? Food for thought.

With Diwali on the onset, there are a few issues that resurface. Pollution, global warming, environmental hazards. Is that what Diwali has become? Is that what festivity has in store for us and our future? I guess not. I hope not. It is what we have made it. I believe so. To each his own though. Critics are welcome. So is empathy. And I say empathy, not sympathy. Yes, we are facing global warming, we are ruining our natural environment. But let bygones be bygones. What is of need now is what we can do now. Let us take small steps at a time. We could begin with a bit of tolerance. We could begin with a bit of sharing. Isnt that what our festive stand for primarily?

I have learnt to share my space, my environment with others. And I am not talking of family and friends. I talk of friends of the other kind. The animal friends. The bird friends. That is one issue I feel like taking up this Diwali, to spread happiness around me. I did not wish to restrict myself to humans alone. Not this time. We humans have got multiple sources for that. What we do affects them too right...My strays. My friends, more like my children. Yes they are, and I am proud to say so. Neither ashamed, nor embarrassed. I feel bad to see them scared. I am so used to seeing their tails wagging, that it pinches me to see them look for space to hide, to escape our crackers, our celebrations. And yet we celebrate. Amazes me to wonder how!!! I look into their eyes, they still are happy to see me, they want me to pet them, but alas, here goes another BOOM, and they run helter scelter. And I stand there, wishing and hoping I could do something.

So I will this season. Diwali is a season to spread happiness, to meet loved ones, to celebrate the spirit of being yourself. I will do just that. No compromises. I will celebrate with my strays and other animals and birds. Make sure I do not do anything to make our festivity a nightmare for them. I say no to crackers, to pollution this Diwali. And I say no to inhumane behavior to them otherwise. This, for me is the spirit of Diwali. It gives me great joy, which magnifies with the fact that I am trying to do something for my animal friends as well, by being more responsible. Hoping all of you find your festive spirit, just the way I found mine. Then we will celebrate in its true essence. A grand welcome to festivities!