Sunday, October 31, 2010

Change

Change is an inevitable part of our lives. Everything new that comes in, changes the old things, for the good or bad. We cannot decide that. But what we can decide is how we react to these changes in our lives. A total transformation is seen at various stages in our lives. From childhood to adulthood, from winters to summers, from day to night. Change is everywhere. At most times it is for the better, since it brings along new beginnings, new challenges and new experiences. But we, as humans run away from it. Resist change. Act stubborn. That is when this change becomes painful. That is when changes hurt, bringing us in the most uncomfortable situations in our lives, where there is no looking back, and where we refuse to look ahead. We forget that the change that is coming along is way too powerful than us. The change has already defeated our resistance and has already overpowered us. Its only about time when the acceptance will seep in us. That acceptance will bring about the fruits of the change, new hopes and new desires.

I see myself at such a point, where there is no looking back, and I refuse to look ahead. I am too stubborn to give up what I have, to accept what new is coming in. Finding it difficult to let go. Putting my heart and soul to hold on...not give in. But in vain...I think to myself, 'what is the point?' I can either take this as defeat to this change, or I can simply welcome it with open arms, and understand its true implications. What I have still remains with me...the novelty will only add on to it. It will help me grow, prosper. It will devoid me of stagnation. And then suddenly a ray of hope. A past experience makes me have a completely different view point about this new development. My resistance is coming from an earlier change! I am trying to hold on too tightly to something which is the product of a change in my life, which then I was resisting to accept. And then the dawn of realization! If I resist this one, I might be resisting something that is better than what I already have. There sure is no running away from this. But being so stiff will definitely delay what it has to offer. And for what? For something that is mine and will remain so forever...What am I scared of? What are we all scared of? There is nothing to lose. It infact, might be a reward of something I have worked hard on.

Yet, I would not deny the pain and the difficulties as this transformation takes its toll. I see everything in a different light. In a way I had not before. In a way I did not want to before. So it shatters what I believed in. Sends quivers down my faith. But I have experienced this before. This isnt new to me. And I have overcome this with great vigor and strength, to embark on a new journey of learning, experience and expectations. It is a vicious circle. The more I try to pen it down in words, the more repetitive it gets. Yet it takes me through a wonderful voyage through my memories, the fond as well as the fearful ones. And I love reliving them all.

And so Change becomes an inevitable part of our lives. Every new beginning has an end. And every end gets along a new beginning. The cycle this goes on and on...and it prevails in every walk of life, in every part of us. We might choose to be ignorant of it, fearful, or even welcome it. And the way we treat it, is exactly how the change treats us. What you give it, it gives you back. So next time a change knocks on your door, smile and let it in. If you do that, be rest assured that it will give you plenty of reasons to grin. I did it, and am smiling!!!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Communicate: Its the need of the hour!

In todays day and time, when every individual has started finding it increasingly difficult to find peace with himself, and space for himself, there are several issues that need to be addressed, which go completely unnoticed by us. I am not trying to be a social activist here. Neither I am talking about the issues that you read as headlines, or watch on your idiot box. I am talking about a completely different aspect. Something that affects everyone, and yet we choose to be ignorant about it.

Today, the stress levels are so high that we have totally forgotten about what we are, where we come from, and where we belong. Humans have gained their superiority over the other beings through a lot of things. One of the most important of them has been communication. We have grown through it, and still continue to progress because of it. However, over these years, for some reason communication has only become a tool for growth, external growth. We have forgotten to use it for our internal growth. We have forgotten how to connect with ourselves. We have forgotten to communicate.

I find it funny how people who have reached the peak of their careers at a very young age, who have all the name, fame and money, the best means of technology and communication, find it the most difficult the express themselves, express their emotions. They cannot even convey to their families how important they are. They cannot tell their wives/husbands a simple 'I Love You', they cannot tell their parents a simple 'Thank You', not only that, they cannot even hug their children and show them their affection. Is this what we have become. Mere voices, with no feelings, with no emotions, with no real communication?

If I say to my friends that I Love my parents, they laugh at me. For them, such things are understood, and not to be said. But my question is why not? If I have such a strong feeling for someone, which can actually make them and me happy, why not put it in words. Why do things always have to be understood and assumed? Is that not then as good as taking things for granted? I think it is. And thats why, sometimes, only sometimes I feel it is necessary to word your emotions and feelings. You do not need to actually say it out loud. Just by simply holding your loved ones hand in a warm way, or just hugging your mum out of the blues can do the magic.

Communication is a vital tool in our hands. It should be utilized most effectively, else it will just die off, we will just lose it like many other things our race has lost out on. Charity begins at home. In this case, it will begin when you start communicating with yourself. Let your body connect with your soul. Let your mind know what your body and soul need, want, and feel. Only then will you emerge as a better person. Only then can you really connect with others, who are important, and make them know and feel that they are important.

Remember the major issues that need to be addressed? Well this one qualifies to top my list. For me, just reconnecting with yourself can lead to un-complicating all the other problems in your life, reinforcing your relationship with yourself and others.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

A Beautiful Place

The world is a beautiful place to live. Every single day gets something new, something wonderful that you have not seen, felt, or experienced before. From cradle to grave, every single morning brings in new hope, while every single night gets a freshly learned experience and lessons learnt. Some of these might be painful, while others bring in happiness that remains with you forever. Today was one such day for me. One such lesson learnt, one such experience experienced.

Sometimes things just fall in place for us. We wish for something really bad, and them boom, its with us. And when it comes to us, we just dont know how to react, what to do??? We are just too overwhelmed with the feeling. At times, we are so full with contentment, that we dont even enjoy that thing to the fullest. It takes time for us to absorb what is happening, too fast, and too nice.

But there are times when even after working hard for something and really deserving it, you do not get your well earned results. Then what? How do we react to such circumstances. Surprisingly, I have found an answer to that as well. And trust me, this thing works. Has definitely worked wonders with me. Remember you will always get what you deserve, and always deserve what you get. So in times when you feel you are not getting what you want, be rest assured that something better is coming your way. Something that is much more than what you feel you actually deserve! The magic word at such times is...PATIENCE!!!

It is nature's law to balance out everything. As you sow, so shall you reap. Tit for tat. All of these are natural laws, whether you believe it or not, whether you like it or not. Similarly, nature will have its own way of giving you what you have worked for. So do not worry. One professor once said in my class "Concentrate on your process, not on the outcome. Only then will you get the desired outcomes of all the raw material you put in." Might sound like you are in a manufacturing unit, but it stands true in all spheres of life, if you spare a minute and give it a thought. Natures way of balancing...remember??? The more you put in, the more you get back, whether good or bad, its exactly what and how it will revert to you.

The world, thus is a beautiful place to live. I believe so and get beautiful things in return. Beautiful people and beautiful experiences, which make me feel and stay beautiful. Always. At all times, as I believe that when things are taking long, with them they are getting a lot more along.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

'I love You...(aaahhhh, ummm really??)'

I cannot express what a day it was today. Words would not do justice to the sort of roller coaster ride one day has shown me. It has taught me new things about people around me, people I know, people I claim to know, people who know me, and likewise people who claim to know me. Many times, we just get so fond of someone, that we mistake that simple innocent fondness to something more complex, to something more important. This then leads us to expectations. Unwarranted expectations.

I have done the same to few. I have people around me who have done it to me. They have claimed to know me, to love me, and to accept me. But why? For what? Did I ask them to? Did I expect them to? Well, may be because I must have done the same to someone. Declared my feelings for someone, when I myself was not sure of what that feeling meant. This then leads to complications. It leads to compromises. It leads to expectations, and leads to a negative anticipation for something that never was, for something that never will be.

I am blamed for not taking criticism in the right way. I am blamed for not accepting my friends the way they are. It makes me think, is non acceptance really a part of me? It may be. I wont deny. I wont try to convince myself something that is not. But then is it only me? In my view there is non acceptance everywhere. It is the base, the foundation on which every human relationship is based. It is because of the certain level of non acceptance in human tendency, that we actually live peacefully, be tolerant towards others. It does not mean to resist, or desist. Not always. Non acceptance can actually bring about a change, a transformation in you for the better. That is only if you accept that non acceptance can do so.

Every human feeling has a positive and negative side to it. How you put that feeling to use, is what you are made up of. Today I have learnt to take the non acceptance towards me in a positive way. I look at it as an opportunity- to change, or to bring about a change, either in myself or in you. I have also learnt that I should not let my fondness get mixed up with other feelings. Let it be where it ought to. For the more higher feelings to creep in, it will take time. I respect this fact, hoping that others respect it too.

This is not an essay of cynicism. No it isnt. That is if you take it to be so. It is one for me to understand that certain things are just best to be left where they are. The more you try to strengthen your grip, the more it will trip. Do not try to push yourself too hard, to the limit that you finally have left with no place to go. Leave yourself some margin, cushion, some space to breathe and relax!

Coming back to where I began. My day, I think now would be best defined as a perfect blend of the past and present, resulting, I am sure to a better future. Some over expectations from the past just seemed to have collapsed right in front of my eyes. Someone I had loved (not just claimed), leading to over expectations. Damn I should have seen it coming. But I didnt, and now am blamed for the blasphemy of non acceptance. But for me, as mentioned before it is a positive sign for tolerance and transformation. I see someone right in the same situation in my present. Should I alert that person? I guess not. Experience is the best teacher they say. My concern will be refuted by non acceptance. Which I am sure will lead for a total transformation, may be painful, but sure for the better. And I hope that experience is as enriching as mine. I am sure it will be. Yet I will wait and see!

Monday, October 25, 2010

Memories...Sweet Fond Memories!

Today again, someone important is moving away, leaving me to contemplate on how life moves on, whether you like it or not. This one is dedicated to one of my trainer's, who has helped me grow in the past year into a much confident person. Her confidence in me has made me work harder, just so that I do not land up disappointing her. So a big Thank You for happening to me, it has been a pleasure to be your student. It makes my heart well up to think of you shifting away. But I am sure we will be connected.

Most of us have been through this in our lives. Things, people, incidences that have shaped our lives, have made us what we, are eventually move away. What they leave behind are sweet fond memories, that we cherish throughout. May be their motive of being with us is just that. And once that is accomplished, they move on...to make space for the next good thing. Thats why may be, these people and what you share with them is the most uncomplicated, innocent bond. A bond that just always remain strong, even after both of us have moved on.

Yet, they remain with us forever. I remember my first crush when I was in third grade. I did not even know the meaning of having a crush, but I guess he was the first boy I found cute. We were friends, Close buddies. And then he shifted else where leaving no trace of him behind. I still remember him, miss him, think of him fondly, and even curse him for just going away. I am sure he thinks of me too. Or at least I hope. This hope keeps me connected to him. Always.

Today I see life full with so many of such instances, of people, of things that have made me what I am. These still make me happy, even their thought gets a smile on my face. My first barbie, my first G I Joe (yes I had plenty of them, I even got few married to my barbies), my first toy car, cycle, scooter, 2 wheeler, my first crush, boyfriend, hug, kiss, etc etc etc. Things which will never come back. And the best part is, I dont even want them to come back. I love where they stay. In my memories, close to my heart. Yes I love them there. If they come back, they might, just might lose their worth. I cannot afford that. No I cant, since these are exactly the memories I need to make myself feel worth, worth everything thats happening around. Worth everything that is happening to me.

So dear Ma'am, this ones for you. I wish you all the very best for all your endeavors. I know we will always be connected, in touch, through memories. Like I just mentioned above, I would love you to know that you are one of these fond memories I have, making me feel better when I am feeling low, making me feel worth, never allowing me to let go. And as I said, memories that always get a smile on my face...I am thinking of you...And here I go...I am smiling!!!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

I want to Learn

Two years back I had no clue of what I wanted to do. Sitting in the woods of Mumbai's best colleges 'St. Xaviers' College', eating my dabba (my mother is the best cook in the world), I looked around at the hustle for the upcoming Malhar 08'. Five years had passed since I joined this college. This is my last year. Will I miss of all this? What have I gained in these years? What have I lost? As I chose to sit there, pondering over the nothings in my head in the 50 minute long break, suddenly something blasted in my head. A question that was never asked, let alone be answered...'What next?'

There was a sudden rush of anticipation inside me, of fear, and of excitement. A whole new world waiting out for me. But how do I respond to their wait. I had absolutely no idea. I went back to class. The thought ceased to let go off me, for the next couple of days. I spoke to friends. Searched online. Read a few things around...What is it that I like doing the most. By the time I could answer that, I had my prelims coming up. I guess that is what answered my question. I am sure it did. I wanted to study, to learn. Things that I was unaware of, things I was intrigued by. Unravel them, see what they had in store for me.

Today when I look back at that phase, I realize it was filled with confusion and speculation. But some how I enjoy those memories. Degrees hardly matter. It is just a piece of paper saying you have answered the questions in the examination as per the moderators expectations. However how you deal and interact with your environment and struggle to get that degree is what can make your world go upside down, or should I say in my case right side up...

I do not want to discuss my professional qualification. Makes no sense here. Some might call me jack of all trades, some might say 'wow your doing a lot'. But for me, its plainly learning. I have found peace here. Solace. It is an experience, which just keeps growing in me. Everyday is a new learning experience. At home, with my family, my friends, my pets, my college, the strangers I come across. Everything, everyone teaches me something new, makes me have an entirely different experience.  I am enjoying every bit of it. And I am glad I am. There are a lot more things I want to learn. I am sure I will. Yet, whether I put these to use or not, well that is a different thought altogether. May be, I am still learning how to utilize it most effectively. I still want to learn that.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Perceptions

'Blogs', whats that? May be some wannabe thing where people want to show off their writing skills...I dont think Ill ever do something like that. This was me...some days back.

What would you call it? Perceptions, pre-conceived notions, judgments? Choose the word you like. That is what makes you different from me. That is what makes human kind gain its superiority. Our ability to think, choose, and then decide. But then wait, think again...are we rushing to conclusions? Is it really 'our' ability, or just the 'availability' of options, of choices... We choose, because we have alternatives. We decide because we can eliminate from these. May be that is why we are the superior ones, or thats what we claim to be.

Perceptions are reflections, reflections of ourselves. We perceive something, because we hope that it is that way. We want it to be that way. And then when we realize it is not, then we choose to run away from it. Not face it. Humans...the superior ones. What is it that gets us so scared...to see things the way they are. Why cannot we just take things at face value? Uncertainty is our biggest devil. It scares us, it haunts us.

Humans are scared of things they have half knowledge about. May be that's why the statement 'No knowledge is better than half knowledge'. This fear may be out of the perception of coming to know something that you did not perceive it to be that way. Or may be plainly because of the fact that knowing completely about it might crack your established beliefs on it. That is how then, I guess, we have become a superior race. Superiority, in terms of ignorance, superiority in terms of oblivion.

Someday may be then, when we break our own chains of perceptions, we will grow out to be a better species, even stronger. May be then, we will be superior. Right now, I doubt it though...Remember my opening statement. I am sure you do. Here I am writing a blog. Change in perception? Well may be. But long way to go. Right now I am thinking 'writing a blog is not sucha wannabe thing after all'. Because I am doing it right now! Superiority you see. I am not a wannabe, that just cant be me.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Dear God

Dear God,
Its been more than 22 years. So this one is long long due. I myself find this real weird, but sometimes (in my case most times) weird things give you the most pleasure and satisfaction. Life has been a roller coaster ride. The best part is that I am glad you designed the roller coaster for me.

I have not shared this with many, not even you. I have blamed you for all the bad things. I have forgotten you most times in the good things. But dear God, today I have grown enough to say that you are not responsible for either of them in my life. The one who is responsible is me, and I can proudly  own up for it today. Nevertheless, I would not take away the credit from you for letting me, just be! Also my parents and family.

I have come across bad people, worse incidences, and worst feelings. Negativity is not unknown to me, like most humans...mortals! There were times I have felt it, lived with it. It has run through my veins. And dear God, do you know what is worse, I have even enjoyed it. But of course you know all of it...you have after all been blamed for all of it. Yet, everything changes. That is one rule you cease to change, don't you?

Today I am all grown up and mature. Well, that is with reference to context with how I was previously, so do not expect me to be all pervasive, like you. No I am not that. Not yet. I would not calmly take down people blaming me  like you do. Sorry I cannot. But yes, today I can be strong enough to face what I have got myself into. The bad things. And yes, I have also grown enough to give others the credit for the good things. So dear God, thank you for everything.

I have friends, gem of people. Friends who have stood by me, through thick and thin. Then I have friends, those who have not bothered to see if I am dead or alive, and neither have I to see them. But dear God, these too, are just one call away whenever I need them. And then I have friends, who have taught me things the hard way. Made me go through back stabbing and other negative emotions. Yet dear God, I call them friends because these are the people who have made me grow into a better human. And you know why I had them around, well of course you know...yet I choose to answer. I had them around because sometime, somewhere I had done the same to someone. Rules are rules right. You do not budge on them. Whatever you do, comes right back at you. That is rule number 2. So I have learnt. . So I have grown.

Before I conclude, thank you Dear God for teachers, professors and trainers. They help me grow. They help me learn...Do you think it is possible to write this without them. Small words, but deep meaning nevertheless.

And finally Dear God, thank you for being my Dear God. Thank you for being there with me. I see you, I talk to you. I love you and at times even hate you. I fight with you, I abuse you. But isnt that how you intend it to be? Isnt that why you choose to be around me in the form of my family? My parents, grandparents, siblings, pets, and now at 22 even my love interest. People who I belong to. Where I can be myself...just myself, and not even grown up. 

Thank you Dear God
I am glad you love me.