Friday, December 31, 2010

Welcome Dear 2011

Another year comes to an end,
Another year is gone,
So all my dear family and friends,
Let's celebrate the new dawn.

A lot has been lost in the year,
But a lot has been gained too,
The days were full of laughters and tears,
I bet it was the same for you.

Tomorrow though, all will have changed,
Tomorrows gonna be different for me and you,
The beginning might seem a bit strange,
As everything is gonna be so new!

So brace all that you have,
As it might not be there with you,
Tomorrow you will be up for other grabs,
You will have a different point of view.

Like never before, enjoy today
As it will never come again
Make all the fondness stay,
Let go off all the pain.

Lets rejoice the wins,
Spread the joy and happiness,
And not hesitate the apologize for our sins,
To say sorry and ask for forgiveness.

So celebrate, the time has come
To bid good bye to 2010
Open your bottles of wine and rum,
Welcome dear 2011!

As I sat to pen this, a volcano of thoughts, emotions, and memories erupted in my head. 2010 has been a superlative year in all aspects. My losses have been like never before, same applies to the gains 2010 has offered me. But the best about this year is that everything was for the better. As they say, alls well that ends well.

This one is to all those family, friends, trainers, and well wisher who made 2010 worthwhile. This year has been of learning, experiencing and sharing. Of making new friends, and letting go of the rotten ones. And of the best pleasures that I have had in doing so. I hope I can spread happiness to many around me. Would also want to apologize for all my mistakes and I pray I become a better person this year.  Hoping the same for all of us in 2011!!!

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Stay Raw, Stay Pure

Some 14 years back, it was my very first Annual Program in my CHS. Had just shifted, had new friends, and had set a dance on a tune on my Casio! It was sad though that no one could hear the tune and we did the last step way before it was scheduled.

But in the following years we ameliorated. Each year we put in loads of practice and the final performance would always be a blast! This happened for say about some 6 to 7 years. And then...Then we grew.

We were the elder batch then, so didnt participate much and just sat in the audience clapping for the younger ones. Today was our 14th annual function. I sat as audience. Applauded. Now I think what have I missed.

I saw [the youngest by mind and soul] aunty with full zing and zeal setting the entire programme. She is energy personified, and she is double my age. Then why did I grow 7 years back. What made me mature to have decided not to perform?

Things are the best and the purest in their original form. The more you fiddle with them, thinking you are making them better, you are actually making it lose its originality, its purity, its identity. 

As kids, we falter, make blunders, and learn from them. As grown ups, we do all the same, under the covers however. Everything has to be reasoned out. So we choose not to notice things!

As we grow,we leave the innocence behind under the pretext of maturity. God alone knows what that means. Maturity does not mean losing your innocence. Grown ups need not be diplomatic, politically correct always. It, on the other hand, means becoming more like what you were as a kid. We should grow in maturity, in innocence and being childlike. NOT OTHERWISE.

I truly love MTV's ad campaign- Stay Raw! It is high time we indulge in some rawness again. Make weird faces in front of the mirrors, dance to ourselves on a song on TV, sing nursery rhymes, hop-skip and jump on our building steps. Let us all get back to our original selves. No inhibitions, no pretensions, just a child that we always were. Let it out. Listen to it. It is screaming out to us!

I want to go back to my purest form. I know that would not be 100% possible today. But if a 40 year old can achieve most of it, I am sure I can too. Next year I will perform, just the way I did 14 years back. The only difference would be that I would be better than then, since I would have matured in my pure, innocent ways.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

A Day Like None Before

A sweet song,
A fine tune,
I hum through the day
Like a mystic rune

I lay on my back
Thinking what to do
As I see...
My dream coming true!

For very long now,
I have wanted this
It has been
My strongest wish.

To see everything
Falling in place,
My prayers are answered
I know it's his grace.

I worked for it,
Putting in every nerve,
This is what I know
I truly deserve

This day has been,
Like none before
For the rest of my life,
I will always adore!

Wanna spread the happiness
I want to share the joy
Feel like converting this feeling
Into a convoy!

A day like none before,
Hoping to see many such more!

Things always work for us, in one way or the other. When they do, you just forget all the miseries you went through to get what you want!

Spread the feeling of triumph, of achievement, of contentment to one and all. It will multiple in a way you would not believe.

It happened with me. I am sure will happen with you too. It's about time you give it a try. It sure is worth a shot!

For me, it has been a day like none before. Unanticipated, unfathomable, unexpected- to say the least. But least is what I will say. The rest is up to you to understand and to feel. Hope you do just the way I did. And I loved it!

Has nothing to do with me specifically, just a baby of the randomness in my head! And seeing things work for someone I care about...Its the infection Happiness that has caught me. Hoping it catches all my readers as well!!!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

"I gave you life to enjoy everything"

While on Facebook, I read a comment (courtesy Neelu) saying 'Man asked God, "God give me everything to enjoy life", God replied, "I gave you life to enjoy everything"'. Really hard hitting. Very cogent.

I looked at myself. Looked around. Hmm. Nice house. Best set of parents I could ever ask for. An irritating nonchalant sister (I hate love her). Four lovely babies (read as pets). A settled love life. Great friends. So what more? Career may be (since I am still studying). That will be great too. I am sure.

We all have what we deserve. A life to say the least. Now it is up to us to make something of it. We just want everything, but cease to understand that to get everything, we need to do everything. Dolefully enough, this comes in only later. And till it comes, we pray, hope, wish!

That reminds me of an interview of Sindhutai Sapkal. Someone asked her. "Today's young girls are scared of lizards and cockroaches, how did you manage to live in a cemetery?" As always she was quick enough to reply, "Those girls you talk about have everything they need, hence they can enjoy the luxury of being scared of roaches. I, on the other hand was trying to make ends meet. Didnt have a place to live. You think roaches were even on my mind then?"

I felt ashamed. I am scared to death of cockroaches. And I have had a life most would envy. But this realization I guess was the most difficult to come. Now what seems to be the toughest, will come naturally I am sure. Making the most of what I have. And achieving what I dont!

God gave me life to enjoy everything. I am blithe to be so blessed. I would not deny of sporadic events of me cribbing, but most times I am enjoying everything. I strongly believe that I have it because I deserve it. And more than that, I am certain that at no point in life I am going to make myself undeserving of it.

Quite a hard hitting thought that is. "I gave you life to enjoy everything". We sure have a life. We sure can see everything. Now how we make sure both of these coincide, is what will make our lives worth living!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

"To Err is Human, To Forgive is Divine"

"To Err is Human, To Forgive is Divine". I remember reading that so many time as the 'thought for the day' in school on the black board, that I actually got bored of it! Today when I think of it though, it sends a shiver down my spine. It surely is divine to forgive. What I am concerned of is, that I am only human.

So I err. That is human. But what about the times when you keep doing the same mistake again and again? Would that too then, be considered as being human? I hope not. I cannot deal with it then. I would be a big fat liar to say I have not committed the same mistake more than once. I have. Even after being warned by all, I let people ruin things for me. I let people be close enough, to give them the power to ruin things for me. And then there are other repeats, which vary in degree and intensity. Like may be always missing my medicines (which I still do). But well, I have learnt my lesson now (mostly). For good!

So I take this privilege of then pondering over others who gaffe intermittently, that too the same mistakes. Especially those who affect me. I get angry, disappointed, and feel helpless to say the least. But as my rush of agony settles into milder urges of irritation, I try to grasp what just happened. Console my self first, before I embark on reassuring the one who errs. The forgiveness comes in eventually, but not as a divine intervention.

And while I am trying to make them feel better, I feel like showing them the repercussions of  their inadequacy of thoughts and actions, hoping that it serves as a deterrent for them from making the same blunders again. Make new ones, that is how you will learn, that is how I have learnt, am learning, and will always do. One should mature, not only in age, thoughts, and experience, but also in ones erroneous behaviors. I mean there should definitely be a difference in your mistake of today, and that of 5 years earlier right?

So today I agree that "To Err is Human, To Forgive is Divine". I definitely am a human. I err always. But each time, I try to make different errors, just so that I have different learnings from each. And about forgiveness, well I am a bit capable of that too, like most, like all. But instant forgiveness truly comes only from the divine, and that is not me. May be some day I will. Till then however, I will just hope that I have variety in my bloopers. And I pray the same for all around me!

Friday, December 3, 2010

Happily Ever After

I had a debate in my Counselling forum today. Could not get a more perfect topic than what was, for today. Love versus Arranged Marriage. Yeah Right! That is exactly what I wanted to debate on today. As the debate took its course, it was quite negative in emotion. Both groups were just affirming the problems in their opponents topic. Little frustrating. And then I switched off to take a jaunt thinking about the Institution of Marriage.

One of the oldest and most sacred institutions, Marriage is criticized and mocked the most, and it is amazing how it still stands strong, against all odds and vices. As a raging, impulsive, and immature teen, I would always find myself pondering over how two individuals (claiming to be in love) can live with each other for their entire life. I mean, dont they grow after a certain point, dont they mature? Prying on it got me even more confused, so did looking at all the wonderful (and at times not so wonderful) couples around me.

As I said, I was immature. Not that I am any better today, but certainly that one topic does not bother me as much. I see and understand my confusion today, as apprehension and anticipation of something I did not have a clue about. Now I realize, that you certainly do grow and mature together, but not at the same pace. Your partner and you have differences, you hate each other at times, want to kill each other, and yet what keeps it going is something much more amazing that anything else. And please, it is not Love for god sake. Or may be not for me atleast. It is just the very fact that you want to kill that person, the person knows of it, and still very much wants to be with you. Infact, would not mind dying for you. Now that is what results in Love!!!

I still think that I have no right to comment on this. Neither do I have the experience, nor the intelligence to. But when I think of myself 10 years down the line, I know that I want to be with the same person I have been with for the past 3 years. I hate him, he is like the most irritating person I have come across. Immature than I am (he is a guy after all), careless, and everything else that would probably make you want to stay away from someone. And yet he is someone who knows me, and understands me, especially when I want to kick, box, and kill him! Loves to be with me, takes my tantrums with a smile. And I want to be with him too. Just as much. Weird ha? Well thats how all of us like it, dont we? That is how I am liking it for the past 3 years, and looking forward to many such years with him.

Marriage, I guess lies on the same lines. You both work for it, it works. Else it just falls, like an other institution in decay. As far as the debate goes, Arranged marriage won. Surprise Surprise, since most married people participating in the debate had a Love Marriage. But then as I said, that is how it works right, though you know something, you still want to live life otherwise. That makes you happy. Like I know he is just not my types, and yet I want to live my life with him. Long Live Marriages and the irony attached to it. And Long Live Happily Ever Afters. Cheers!!!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Lie To Me

I found my self falling in love once again. And it feels great. It really does. I am a big fan of Tim Roth, I love him. Reason? Well just watch Lie To Me. With the whole deception specialist and micro expressions and such similar things, Tim Roth has become the sexiest man alive for me. Well actually its Cal Lightman I am in love with. Tim Roth just gets the advantage of being his face. Not that it will ever make a difference to him. But for me, and those who will make time to read this, it will.

As I spent hours watching Lie to Me, episode by episode, through the entire Season 1 (I have all the 13 on a DVD, will get the next 2 seasons too) I was mesmerized by how a twitch of a muscle can tell a tale, the truth actually. And I know this happens, since I have been quite close to similar sciences (Read as Graphology). So deceptions can be caught by a naked eye, without a polygraph, or a narcotic. Awesome.

After every episode I looked at myself and said things to notice deflections. Some to see them intentionally. While some as a reassurance of my feelings. I do not want to explicitly say either of them here. And then while standing in front of the mirror, I wondered how on earth there is nothing that is remotely unique to me?

My handwriting has universal traits, so do my expressions. Guess what...My blog is the documentation of the strongest feelings I have felt, and people relate to that as well. A hell of a realization that is. So what is it that makes me any different from anybody. What is it that makes any one of us any different?

We all are well connected and bound by basic tendencies, which how much ever we like to desist, still remains a fact. We are all made that way. Call it science, call it metaphysics, call it divine intervention, it all means and results to the same thing. After all, we are humans right. A species. Just like any other that we use for our experiments. So yes we all are the same, in one way or the other. We just choose to think otherwise. Keep lying about it to ourselves.

And yet we are separate individuals, entities so to say. Universality is inevitable. That is why we have the generalists and the specialists right. We have men and women. I think this universalness is what has made us make these distinction. The universal human need of being different, of being unique leads us to making moieties, segments, communities of people, which only we can differentiate. So there is gender, religion, caste, colour, you name it and you will find it. It is funny, that even after so much of efforts, we all relate to it. Back to square one right. It again is universal.

So now what. For me however I am unique. Not any different or better from the people around me. But just the way I look at this universality around me makes me stand out from the most. I do not 'Lie To Me'. I have stopped spending time thinking why am I not exclusive and unexampled. Instead I have accepted that none of us are, and I love it that way. It makes me one with all around. Dont you remember 'United we stand, divided we fall'. That is why in the first place, then I feel that there is no segregation as to how we are. What defines us individually though is, how we are...Confusing right. Have a look at it again, you will get it. After all we are similar right!

So I am in love again. With Tim Roth, Cal Lightman, and Lie to Me. Have caught quite a few expressions by now. I can do that bit, it is enjoyable I must say. Most times looking at myself give those gestures is. And if I can ever come across a mad scientist and an eccentric like Dr. Cal, who just gives me the most crucifying stare (I love that mad stare and expression) I will sure try with all my expressions, feelings, and all other 'universal' aspects to be a close associate (in which ever sense you like to take that, it is free for your interpretation).

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Nostalgia of a Different Kind

How many times have you bumped into people you have known for a while and then they suddenly disappeared into thin air, making you believe that you will never be seeing them again? And how many times meeting these people has made you invigorate yourself to an extent that you go breathless? Let me guess. Very rare right. But I am sure whenever such an incident occurs it makes you go through a promenade of such a variety of emotions, that you find yourself in a maze of disorientated feelings, thoughts, words, and expressions.

I met someone today who made me feel exactly that way. So this one is a tribute to those who are not around at the moment, but I hope to see them soon. My school friends, college friends, relatives, etc. They live in my memories, I communicate to them through it. But I vehemently wish to see them again. Just like I did today.

There was a time when I knew everything about you. There was a coherent bond which we shared. Your thoughts and words were the most articulate when I pronounced them. Or that is what I loved to believe. And then time took its toll. We parted ways. You lived in my memory though. Most times, I did not open those chambers, intentionally or unintentionally. And even if I did, it would be a sojourn. But you remained there. I refused to let you leave, and I am glad I did.

Years passed by with no trace of you, of us. I got carried away in my life, you in yours. One fine day, it was like reminiscence. You stood there right in front of my eyes and those times we spent together some years back just flashed as if it were yesterday. And then what...we still clicked. We still are like a house on fire. Like we just picked up from where we had left.

But things are a bit different now. You look at me in a different way. Causes me no discomfort though. I see you in a different light. I think the time and distance has worked its magic. And yet that does not seem to make too much of a difference. Respect and dignity to what we had, and to what we have still remains strong, and that is what just makes this even more stupefying. I see you as a completely different individual today. You have grown. You are stronger. And it makes me feel good. Feels like a total stranger, and strangely a very well known stranger. Our lives are on two varied pathways and it is great to see how they have crossed again today. There is so much that has happened in these years. It seems like vacuum, and I still do not bother to fill it. We both have very different ways of living, different priorities, and other important people influencing us. And yet there is place for you to fit, not as you did earlier, but may be in an even better way.

I do not know if we have met to part ways again. But even if we do, I am sure we will see each other once again, in much different views at that point. We will go through the similar learning experience that we did now, may be to part again. Or may be not. We might remain in touch henceforth, remain friends, or acquaintances. Either ways, we are learning. This surely will be metaphorical of our growth. Allegorical of our nostalgia.

So this was one time when I bumped into someone I have known for a while and then he suddenly disappeared into thin air, making me believe that I will never be seeing him again. But I did. It was sheer nostalgia to express the least. And I hope I bump into many of such people more often. Those who I have lost out in time, and those who lost me out in time. I want to be stertorous once again, doped in a similar nostalgia. But for now, I am high enough and guess would remain so till my next post!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Of Friends Turning Foes...and then Non Existent!

You have been my top priority for the longest period I remember. I have seen you grow from an immature wannabe to someone I was proud of. And surprisingly, I loved to believe that I was the same for you. Surprisingly! Our long phone conversations, which never got boring, spending whole days together, petty fights, abusing each other, and yet being unable to do without each other. Perfect is just an understatement.

You were there when I wanted to cry, laugh, act wacked. I was there for you whenever you needed me. We have been through my boyfriends and break ups, your crushes, our families and parents. Projects and assignments took the better of us at times, and yet we managed to spend as much time as possible. Nothing was ever a problem, our gender, religion, caste, our individual crushes. Nothing got in between us. Great!

Life has been a roller coaster, and we sat beside each other as it took its course, when it went up high, and then when in double the speed came down. We sat together, holding hands and screaming out loud when it turned upside down. And then suddenly it STOPPED!!!

Things change. Always. That is inevitable. But I did not know it can turn you upside down, making you feel everything that you shared like an illusion. New friends, both had... Then I wonder how the change was only from one side. And now it has reached a point where I have people who I do not know even exist advising me and telling me how to deal with you...LMAO!

I am blamed to have never accepted you,. Muck being thrown from both sides. I feel like a pig in a pigsty. I want to get out of it...But you are like quick sand, pulling me in deeper. You had the ability to bring out the best in me, and now you get out the worst. I do not want to hate you and disrespect what I felt for you all this while. And yet you amazingly make me do what I had never dreamt of.

But now I am stronger. Ignorance is a bliss. I have realized that. I have erased out OUR memories. They remind me of YOU. I feel like I was never there. I wish you luck with your future endeavors. I know you will go places. And I will make sure I am not there to see you. No bad feelings. No grudges. Just ignorance. Just oblivion.

I was the body, you were the soul,
Life with you was on a roll,
There is nothing that we didnt do together
About the world we never bothered.

In the rains and under the sun,
We were always, always one.
You stood up for me when I needed you
I did the same for you too.

But one fine day everything was gone,
It was like a realization had dawned,
You found others to stick around with,
Our friendship seemed like a myth.

I cried and cried and got depressed,
Couldnt believe that we are sucha mess,
You never tried to sort is out though.
And now the best friends have turned into foes.

Yet you I will never hate,
I will just believe that this was our fate,
I will choose to be oblivious to you,
Cuz what I had for you was pure and true.

I just felt like stopping here, leaving it to end in the most obnoxious manner. But everything does not need to end that way. I will not let that happen. Because I know how it feels when things end abruptly. I know most have gone through this when you read it. Some might even feel guilty. But the point is not to make you feel so. It is for you to just let go!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Thank You

Each one of us has a special someone in our life. It could be our parents, siblings, our love interest, friends, or even pets. Not necessarily a single person. At times, it could be something inanimate. Something that you relate to so well, with which you bond so strong, that just its presence makes you exhilarated. This one goes out to those people/things in each ones life. And most definitely to those in mine.

There are times when I am feeling so low, that I could either pull out my hair, or punch some one else. In such times, I find solace in them. I yell at them, get annoyed by what seems to be the most crest fallen attempts at making me feel better. And yet I know that these are the only attempts that work. Sardonic is it not? Most of us are with these people in our lives. They become so important, that we just tend to forget their individual existence. We wake up with them, and sleep with them, most times they being the first and the last thought in our heads in the day.

Yet I am selfish. Human! I still deny giving up on certain qualities, so to say. When I get the same in return from them, I go ballistic. "How dare they? Here I am trying to make them feel better, and they have the audacity to treat me with such an arrogant demeanor??" I stomp out outrageously. Feeling highly abrade, not even sparing a moment to actually clearly see the issue at hand. Is it really important right now to see how I am treated, or is it more important to make sure that they are feeling better. But Alas, another human tendency, the big E word...Yes 'Ego'. Now that I have chosen to walk out of the scene, how do I return? And then the long haul waiting for them to revert...

And while I wait, I think, why would they? Why should they? It is only human to be selfish and have ego hassles, and yet how do they always manage to never ever get these in between us? And then a bright thought. So true, and so fierce, makes me go weak in my knees. Just the way the above said are human tendencies, so are love, compassion and sympathy. Now its on us humans to choose which one dominates us, and which is dominated by us. Simple, yet difficult to comprehend. More difficult to accept. Took me time to approbate the fact that I was dominated by the former. But I managed to. What helped me was seeing people who love me being dominated by the latter. My inspiration to become a better person. An equal counterpart.

So for all the times I have let the not so good feelings get the better of me, I apologize. And for all the times you have still stood by me, accepted me along with my vices, I am grateful, indebted, and obligated. I know you will not enjoy reading this as much I did writing it. Since you would not want me to be obliged. You do not do things intending them to be favors. You do it for me, as that is the way you are. I love it that way.

It is very difficult to accept our own negatives. Even more difficult is to accept someone else with flaws. Yet we have beautiful people around us who do it all the time. So this is a small acknowledgement to all those people who fall in this category (even though I hate to categorize). I hope I am one such person to someone. I am sure I am. This one is to all the special someones in my life. I love you all!

(P.S.: This is probably my longest post till date. But looking at the topic at hand I could not/ did not want it to be any shorter. Would have loved to go on and on. But still want you to read, so cut it short!)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Dragon Fly

Just the night before Diwali, I had a dragon fly home. I tried to make it fly away outside, but it chose to stay back near my tube light. Since then I have been wondering why was it out so late in the night (I know it is a funny thing to wonder, but I do humanize most things around me, including non living things). And ever since, I wanted to write my next post titled Dragon Fly.

Yet I was at loss of words. I was at a loss of thoughts and topics to write on. Dragon Fly...What does it denote. What do I relate it to? And then suddenly, like fresh water flowing, there came a rush of thoughts in a disoriented way. Took me some time to make meaning out of it. Yet I choose to write it here. Do not know if it relates to the title. Do not even know if it makes sense. And still it flows as smoothly as possible, from my heart, mind, and my brain as well. A perfect blend, a perfect combination. So here goes:

Dragon Fly

Between us, all that is said and done,
I still know for a fact that you are the one,
To hold me close and kiss me tight,
When I wake up scared in the middle of the night.

But now for a while when I will be gone,
You will seem so far, for so long,
And though I know what we share is true,
Still dont know how, I will do without you.

So now I am really freaked to go,
Cuz' I am leaving you alone while I do so,
And I hope to see you at the earliest again,
So that when I am back, we can enjoy together our first rain!

Yes, as I said, you might not find any string between the title and the stanzas. It may be the most amateur piece of a group of rhyming words you have come across. And yet I am sure that deep down in you, you relate to it just the way I do. You laugh at yourself, spare a moment, and then continue reading again, amazed at how the silliest things can get you the deepest pleasures.

And yes, coming back to that Dragon Fly. Diwali morning first thing, it flew away. I am sure it is enjoying the rain, whether or not its first one. And I feel great to have finally managed to make sense of this little non sense titled Dragon Fly...

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Festival with a Reason: Happy Diwali

Festivities...Good times, celebrations, good food, sweets, family and friends. What more can I ask for? Lights and the aroma of the festive season fill up our homes, soul and mind. And as the days pass by, and the festivity approaches, it grips me, entralls me, taking to a new level of freedom, emotions, and anticipation. I experience an adrenaline rush. I like it, enjoy it. But it gets me anxious. Is this festivity getting the same anticipation for all? Or am I one of the few blessed ones? Food for thought.

With Diwali on the onset, there are a few issues that resurface. Pollution, global warming, environmental hazards. Is that what Diwali has become? Is that what festivity has in store for us and our future? I guess not. I hope not. It is what we have made it. I believe so. To each his own though. Critics are welcome. So is empathy. And I say empathy, not sympathy. Yes, we are facing global warming, we are ruining our natural environment. But let bygones be bygones. What is of need now is what we can do now. Let us take small steps at a time. We could begin with a bit of tolerance. We could begin with a bit of sharing. Isnt that what our festive stand for primarily?

I have learnt to share my space, my environment with others. And I am not talking of family and friends. I talk of friends of the other kind. The animal friends. The bird friends. That is one issue I feel like taking up this Diwali, to spread happiness around me. I did not wish to restrict myself to humans alone. Not this time. We humans have got multiple sources for that. What we do affects them too right...My strays. My friends, more like my children. Yes they are, and I am proud to say so. Neither ashamed, nor embarrassed. I feel bad to see them scared. I am so used to seeing their tails wagging, that it pinches me to see them look for space to hide, to escape our crackers, our celebrations. And yet we celebrate. Amazes me to wonder how!!! I look into their eyes, they still are happy to see me, they want me to pet them, but alas, here goes another BOOM, and they run helter scelter. And I stand there, wishing and hoping I could do something.

So I will this season. Diwali is a season to spread happiness, to meet loved ones, to celebrate the spirit of being yourself. I will do just that. No compromises. I will celebrate with my strays and other animals and birds. Make sure I do not do anything to make our festivity a nightmare for them. I say no to crackers, to pollution this Diwali. And I say no to inhumane behavior to them otherwise. This, for me is the spirit of Diwali. It gives me great joy, which magnifies with the fact that I am trying to do something for my animal friends as well, by being more responsible. Hoping all of you find your festive spirit, just the way I found mine. Then we will celebrate in its true essence. A grand welcome to festivities!

Sunday, October 31, 2010


Change is an inevitable part of our lives. Everything new that comes in, changes the old things, for the good or bad. We cannot decide that. But what we can decide is how we react to these changes in our lives. A total transformation is seen at various stages in our lives. From childhood to adulthood, from winters to summers, from day to night. Change is everywhere. At most times it is for the better, since it brings along new beginnings, new challenges and new experiences. But we, as humans run away from it. Resist change. Act stubborn. That is when this change becomes painful. That is when changes hurt, bringing us in the most uncomfortable situations in our lives, where there is no looking back, and where we refuse to look ahead. We forget that the change that is coming along is way too powerful than us. The change has already defeated our resistance and has already overpowered us. Its only about time when the acceptance will seep in us. That acceptance will bring about the fruits of the change, new hopes and new desires.

I see myself at such a point, where there is no looking back, and I refuse to look ahead. I am too stubborn to give up what I have, to accept what new is coming in. Finding it difficult to let go. Putting my heart and soul to hold on...not give in. But in vain...I think to myself, 'what is the point?' I can either take this as defeat to this change, or I can simply welcome it with open arms, and understand its true implications. What I have still remains with me...the novelty will only add on to it. It will help me grow, prosper. It will devoid me of stagnation. And then suddenly a ray of hope. A past experience makes me have a completely different view point about this new development. My resistance is coming from an earlier change! I am trying to hold on too tightly to something which is the product of a change in my life, which then I was resisting to accept. And then the dawn of realization! If I resist this one, I might be resisting something that is better than what I already have. There sure is no running away from this. But being so stiff will definitely delay what it has to offer. And for what? For something that is mine and will remain so forever...What am I scared of? What are we all scared of? There is nothing to lose. It infact, might be a reward of something I have worked hard on.

Yet, I would not deny the pain and the difficulties as this transformation takes its toll. I see everything in a different light. In a way I had not before. In a way I did not want to before. So it shatters what I believed in. Sends quivers down my faith. But I have experienced this before. This isnt new to me. And I have overcome this with great vigor and strength, to embark on a new journey of learning, experience and expectations. It is a vicious circle. The more I try to pen it down in words, the more repetitive it gets. Yet it takes me through a wonderful voyage through my memories, the fond as well as the fearful ones. And I love reliving them all.

And so Change becomes an inevitable part of our lives. Every new beginning has an end. And every end gets along a new beginning. The cycle this goes on and on...and it prevails in every walk of life, in every part of us. We might choose to be ignorant of it, fearful, or even welcome it. And the way we treat it, is exactly how the change treats us. What you give it, it gives you back. So next time a change knocks on your door, smile and let it in. If you do that, be rest assured that it will give you plenty of reasons to grin. I did it, and am smiling!!!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Communicate: Its the need of the hour!

In todays day and time, when every individual has started finding it increasingly difficult to find peace with himself, and space for himself, there are several issues that need to be addressed, which go completely unnoticed by us. I am not trying to be a social activist here. Neither I am talking about the issues that you read as headlines, or watch on your idiot box. I am talking about a completely different aspect. Something that affects everyone, and yet we choose to be ignorant about it.

Today, the stress levels are so high that we have totally forgotten about what we are, where we come from, and where we belong. Humans have gained their superiority over the other beings through a lot of things. One of the most important of them has been communication. We have grown through it, and still continue to progress because of it. However, over these years, for some reason communication has only become a tool for growth, external growth. We have forgotten to use it for our internal growth. We have forgotten how to connect with ourselves. We have forgotten to communicate.

I find it funny how people who have reached the peak of their careers at a very young age, who have all the name, fame and money, the best means of technology and communication, find it the most difficult the express themselves, express their emotions. They cannot even convey to their families how important they are. They cannot tell their wives/husbands a simple 'I Love You', they cannot tell their parents a simple 'Thank You', not only that, they cannot even hug their children and show them their affection. Is this what we have become. Mere voices, with no feelings, with no emotions, with no real communication?

If I say to my friends that I Love my parents, they laugh at me. For them, such things are understood, and not to be said. But my question is why not? If I have such a strong feeling for someone, which can actually make them and me happy, why not put it in words. Why do things always have to be understood and assumed? Is that not then as good as taking things for granted? I think it is. And thats why, sometimes, only sometimes I feel it is necessary to word your emotions and feelings. You do not need to actually say it out loud. Just by simply holding your loved ones hand in a warm way, or just hugging your mum out of the blues can do the magic.

Communication is a vital tool in our hands. It should be utilized most effectively, else it will just die off, we will just lose it like many other things our race has lost out on. Charity begins at home. In this case, it will begin when you start communicating with yourself. Let your body connect with your soul. Let your mind know what your body and soul need, want, and feel. Only then will you emerge as a better person. Only then can you really connect with others, who are important, and make them know and feel that they are important.

Remember the major issues that need to be addressed? Well this one qualifies to top my list. For me, just reconnecting with yourself can lead to un-complicating all the other problems in your life, reinforcing your relationship with yourself and others.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

A Beautiful Place

The world is a beautiful place to live. Every single day gets something new, something wonderful that you have not seen, felt, or experienced before. From cradle to grave, every single morning brings in new hope, while every single night gets a freshly learned experience and lessons learnt. Some of these might be painful, while others bring in happiness that remains with you forever. Today was one such day for me. One such lesson learnt, one such experience experienced.

Sometimes things just fall in place for us. We wish for something really bad, and them boom, its with us. And when it comes to us, we just dont know how to react, what to do??? We are just too overwhelmed with the feeling. At times, we are so full with contentment, that we dont even enjoy that thing to the fullest. It takes time for us to absorb what is happening, too fast, and too nice.

But there are times when even after working hard for something and really deserving it, you do not get your well earned results. Then what? How do we react to such circumstances. Surprisingly, I have found an answer to that as well. And trust me, this thing works. Has definitely worked wonders with me. Remember you will always get what you deserve, and always deserve what you get. So in times when you feel you are not getting what you want, be rest assured that something better is coming your way. Something that is much more than what you feel you actually deserve! The magic word at such times is...PATIENCE!!!

It is nature's law to balance out everything. As you sow, so shall you reap. Tit for tat. All of these are natural laws, whether you believe it or not, whether you like it or not. Similarly, nature will have its own way of giving you what you have worked for. So do not worry. One professor once said in my class "Concentrate on your process, not on the outcome. Only then will you get the desired outcomes of all the raw material you put in." Might sound like you are in a manufacturing unit, but it stands true in all spheres of life, if you spare a minute and give it a thought. Natures way of balancing...remember??? The more you put in, the more you get back, whether good or bad, its exactly what and how it will revert to you.

The world, thus is a beautiful place to live. I believe so and get beautiful things in return. Beautiful people and beautiful experiences, which make me feel and stay beautiful. Always. At all times, as I believe that when things are taking long, with them they are getting a lot more along.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

'I love You...(aaahhhh, ummm really??)'

I cannot express what a day it was today. Words would not do justice to the sort of roller coaster ride one day has shown me. It has taught me new things about people around me, people I know, people I claim to know, people who know me, and likewise people who claim to know me. Many times, we just get so fond of someone, that we mistake that simple innocent fondness to something more complex, to something more important. This then leads us to expectations. Unwarranted expectations.

I have done the same to few. I have people around me who have done it to me. They have claimed to know me, to love me, and to accept me. But why? For what? Did I ask them to? Did I expect them to? Well, may be because I must have done the same to someone. Declared my feelings for someone, when I myself was not sure of what that feeling meant. This then leads to complications. It leads to compromises. It leads to expectations, and leads to a negative anticipation for something that never was, for something that never will be.

I am blamed for not taking criticism in the right way. I am blamed for not accepting my friends the way they are. It makes me think, is non acceptance really a part of me? It may be. I wont deny. I wont try to convince myself something that is not. But then is it only me? In my view there is non acceptance everywhere. It is the base, the foundation on which every human relationship is based. It is because of the certain level of non acceptance in human tendency, that we actually live peacefully, be tolerant towards others. It does not mean to resist, or desist. Not always. Non acceptance can actually bring about a change, a transformation in you for the better. That is only if you accept that non acceptance can do so.

Every human feeling has a positive and negative side to it. How you put that feeling to use, is what you are made up of. Today I have learnt to take the non acceptance towards me in a positive way. I look at it as an opportunity- to change, or to bring about a change, either in myself or in you. I have also learnt that I should not let my fondness get mixed up with other feelings. Let it be where it ought to. For the more higher feelings to creep in, it will take time. I respect this fact, hoping that others respect it too.

This is not an essay of cynicism. No it isnt. That is if you take it to be so. It is one for me to understand that certain things are just best to be left where they are. The more you try to strengthen your grip, the more it will trip. Do not try to push yourself too hard, to the limit that you finally have left with no place to go. Leave yourself some margin, cushion, some space to breathe and relax!

Coming back to where I began. My day, I think now would be best defined as a perfect blend of the past and present, resulting, I am sure to a better future. Some over expectations from the past just seemed to have collapsed right in front of my eyes. Someone I had loved (not just claimed), leading to over expectations. Damn I should have seen it coming. But I didnt, and now am blamed for the blasphemy of non acceptance. But for me, as mentioned before it is a positive sign for tolerance and transformation. I see someone right in the same situation in my present. Should I alert that person? I guess not. Experience is the best teacher they say. My concern will be refuted by non acceptance. Which I am sure will lead for a total transformation, may be painful, but sure for the better. And I hope that experience is as enriching as mine. I am sure it will be. Yet I will wait and see!

Monday, October 25, 2010

Memories...Sweet Fond Memories!

Today again, someone important is moving away, leaving me to contemplate on how life moves on, whether you like it or not. This one is dedicated to one of my trainer's, who has helped me grow in the past year into a much confident person. Her confidence in me has made me work harder, just so that I do not land up disappointing her. So a big Thank You for happening to me, it has been a pleasure to be your student. It makes my heart well up to think of you shifting away. But I am sure we will be connected.

Most of us have been through this in our lives. Things, people, incidences that have shaped our lives, have made us what we, are eventually move away. What they leave behind are sweet fond memories, that we cherish throughout. May be their motive of being with us is just that. And once that is accomplished, they move make space for the next good thing. Thats why may be, these people and what you share with them is the most uncomplicated, innocent bond. A bond that just always remain strong, even after both of us have moved on.

Yet, they remain with us forever. I remember my first crush when I was in third grade. I did not even know the meaning of having a crush, but I guess he was the first boy I found cute. We were friends, Close buddies. And then he shifted else where leaving no trace of him behind. I still remember him, miss him, think of him fondly, and even curse him for just going away. I am sure he thinks of me too. Or at least I hope. This hope keeps me connected to him. Always.

Today I see life full with so many of such instances, of people, of things that have made me what I am. These still make me happy, even their thought gets a smile on my face. My first barbie, my first G I Joe (yes I had plenty of them, I even got few married to my barbies), my first toy car, cycle, scooter, 2 wheeler, my first crush, boyfriend, hug, kiss, etc etc etc. Things which will never come back. And the best part is, I dont even want them to come back. I love where they stay. In my memories, close to my heart. Yes I love them there. If they come back, they might, just might lose their worth. I cannot afford that. No I cant, since these are exactly the memories I need to make myself feel worth, worth everything thats happening around. Worth everything that is happening to me.

So dear Ma'am, this ones for you. I wish you all the very best for all your endeavors. I know we will always be connected, in touch, through memories. Like I just mentioned above, I would love you to know that you are one of these fond memories I have, making me feel better when I am feeling low, making me feel worth, never allowing me to let go. And as I said, memories that always get a smile on my face...I am thinking of you...And here I go...I am smiling!!!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

I want to Learn

Two years back I had no clue of what I wanted to do. Sitting in the woods of Mumbai's best colleges 'St. Xaviers' College', eating my dabba (my mother is the best cook in the world), I looked around at the hustle for the upcoming Malhar 08'. Five years had passed since I joined this college. This is my last year. Will I miss of all this? What have I gained in these years? What have I lost? As I chose to sit there, pondering over the nothings in my head in the 50 minute long break, suddenly something blasted in my head. A question that was never asked, let alone be answered...'What next?'

There was a sudden rush of anticipation inside me, of fear, and of excitement. A whole new world waiting out for me. But how do I respond to their wait. I had absolutely no idea. I went back to class. The thought ceased to let go off me, for the next couple of days. I spoke to friends. Searched online. Read a few things around...What is it that I like doing the most. By the time I could answer that, I had my prelims coming up. I guess that is what answered my question. I am sure it did. I wanted to study, to learn. Things that I was unaware of, things I was intrigued by. Unravel them, see what they had in store for me.

Today when I look back at that phase, I realize it was filled with confusion and speculation. But some how I enjoy those memories. Degrees hardly matter. It is just a piece of paper saying you have answered the questions in the examination as per the moderators expectations. However how you deal and interact with your environment and struggle to get that degree is what can make your world go upside down, or should I say in my case right side up...

I do not want to discuss my professional qualification. Makes no sense here. Some might call me jack of all trades, some might say 'wow your doing a lot'. But for me, its plainly learning. I have found peace here. Solace. It is an experience, which just keeps growing in me. Everyday is a new learning experience. At home, with my family, my friends, my pets, my college, the strangers I come across. Everything, everyone teaches me something new, makes me have an entirely different experience.  I am enjoying every bit of it. And I am glad I am. There are a lot more things I want to learn. I am sure I will. Yet, whether I put these to use or not, well that is a different thought altogether. May be, I am still learning how to utilize it most effectively. I still want to learn that.

Saturday, October 23, 2010


'Blogs', whats that? May be some wannabe thing where people want to show off their writing skills...I dont think Ill ever do something like that. This was me...some days back.

What would you call it? Perceptions, pre-conceived notions, judgments? Choose the word you like. That is what makes you different from me. That is what makes human kind gain its superiority. Our ability to think, choose, and then decide. But then wait, think again...are we rushing to conclusions? Is it really 'our' ability, or just the 'availability' of options, of choices... We choose, because we have alternatives. We decide because we can eliminate from these. May be that is why we are the superior ones, or thats what we claim to be.

Perceptions are reflections, reflections of ourselves. We perceive something, because we hope that it is that way. We want it to be that way. And then when we realize it is not, then we choose to run away from it. Not face it. Humans...the superior ones. What is it that gets us so see things the way they are. Why cannot we just take things at face value? Uncertainty is our biggest devil. It scares us, it haunts us.

Humans are scared of things they have half knowledge about. May be that's why the statement 'No knowledge is better than half knowledge'. This fear may be out of the perception of coming to know something that you did not perceive it to be that way. Or may be plainly because of the fact that knowing completely about it might crack your established beliefs on it. That is how then, I guess, we have become a superior race. Superiority, in terms of ignorance, superiority in terms of oblivion.

Someday may be then, when we break our own chains of perceptions, we will grow out to be a better species, even stronger. May be then, we will be superior. Right now, I doubt it though...Remember my opening statement. I am sure you do. Here I am writing a blog. Change in perception? Well may be. But long way to go. Right now I am thinking 'writing a blog is not sucha wannabe thing after all'. Because I am doing it right now! Superiority you see. I am not a wannabe, that just cant be me.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Dear God

Dear God,
Its been more than 22 years. So this one is long long due. I myself find this real weird, but sometimes (in my case most times) weird things give you the most pleasure and satisfaction. Life has been a roller coaster ride. The best part is that I am glad you designed the roller coaster for me.

I have not shared this with many, not even you. I have blamed you for all the bad things. I have forgotten you most times in the good things. But dear God, today I have grown enough to say that you are not responsible for either of them in my life. The one who is responsible is me, and I can proudly  own up for it today. Nevertheless, I would not take away the credit from you for letting me, just be! Also my parents and family.

I have come across bad people, worse incidences, and worst feelings. Negativity is not unknown to me, like most humans...mortals! There were times I have felt it, lived with it. It has run through my veins. And dear God, do you know what is worse, I have even enjoyed it. But of course you know all of have after all been blamed for all of it. Yet, everything changes. That is one rule you cease to change, don't you?

Today I am all grown up and mature. Well, that is with reference to context with how I was previously, so do not expect me to be all pervasive, like you. No I am not that. Not yet. I would not calmly take down people blaming me  like you do. Sorry I cannot. But yes, today I can be strong enough to face what I have got myself into. The bad things. And yes, I have also grown enough to give others the credit for the good things. So dear God, thank you for everything.

I have friends, gem of people. Friends who have stood by me, through thick and thin. Then I have friends, those who have not bothered to see if I am dead or alive, and neither have I to see them. But dear God, these too, are just one call away whenever I need them. And then I have friends, who have taught me things the hard way. Made me go through back stabbing and other negative emotions. Yet dear God, I call them friends because these are the people who have made me grow into a better human. And you know why I had them around, well of course you know...yet I choose to answer. I had them around because sometime, somewhere I had done the same to someone. Rules are rules right. You do not budge on them. Whatever you do, comes right back at you. That is rule number 2. So I have learnt. . So I have grown.

Before I conclude, thank you Dear God for teachers, professors and trainers. They help me grow. They help me learn...Do you think it is possible to write this without them. Small words, but deep meaning nevertheless.

And finally Dear God, thank you for being my Dear God. Thank you for being there with me. I see you, I talk to you. I love you and at times even hate you. I fight with you, I abuse you. But isnt that how you intend it to be? Isnt that why you choose to be around me in the form of my family? My parents, grandparents, siblings, pets, and now at 22 even my love interest. People who I belong to. Where I can be myself...just myself, and not even grown up. 

Thank you Dear God
I am glad you love me.